a normal day, that looks NOTHING like normal

Here is a normal everyday day for this crazy life I have...

Wake up...against all odds it was before 9 am. Being a No School day, I had the opportunity to head to the gym early, but realized I forgot to wash my gym stuff from Friday....here's to an hour delay UGH. But, at least I’m an hour before my normal time.


Finally have all my things together, and head to the truck. Driving to the gym for most would be a normal every day uneventful procedure. For me it is met with road rage, disgust for others on the road, and impatience for every other car on the road. Forcing me to speed up to not allow them access to my lane, or slowing down to a point I am determined to screw their day up and miss a turn because my truck is now being used as a BULLY machine. It's sad, I wish it weren't so...but unfortunately it is who I am.

Safely arrive at the gym, check in, go to tan...their WiFi won't access the Internet...so 10 minutes in a tanning bed with NO music...GREAT...I ended up out in 4 minutes because the boredom just consumed me and angered me...

Walk in to the locker room...stop and weigh in...Pleased with the number, smile and feel positive, continue to my locker...

I am stopped by instant panic as my eyes glance down the walk way towards 25.

Someone is there...in MY locker...no, the lockers are NOT assigned, We must take our locks before we go home, but...just the same...that is MY locker! I use it every day, it is perfectly located with a bench and quick access to a hide away area for changing for the modest (that is me...modest). My breathing is altered, it's a panic attack. Yes, sounds ridiculous to the "normal" person...but I have stated before I am not normal. I contemplate turning around and leaving...(I have used this maneuver before) I try to calm my breathing, as I slowly walk towards MY locker...angry at the lady who has a LOCK on my door...upset that someone got here first...WHY could she not use 24 or 26....WHY 25??? I decide to just suck it up and use 24 myself....but it's hard...and it's foreign to my senses. I am almost debilitated with discomfort of the situation.


Finally get it done, the anxiety has raised my blood pressure and my anger...but I manage to successfully get done at the locker..I am proud of myself that I was able to work through my issues, and didn't give in to my first reactions, as I usually would have.

Get onto the machines, realizing I forgot my morning pills...OH NO...the day has just begun and I'm already screwed.

I take 3 different pills every morning to get through my day, but if it’s a gym day; they are necessary. Nuvigil is for Fatigue, Baclofen for the Spasticity, and the Tramadol for the pain...all three are NEEDED for a successful gym trip. I manage as long as I can. My normal 2 hours working out turns into 45 minutes or less. I Witness a lady get off her machine and just walk away...gross....wipe it down. Gym etiquette people, it’s gym etiquette. PLEASE learn the basics. I see this far too much for my sensitivities to handle. I don’t understand the lack of common courtesy in that place. I go to the weight machines and again, do what I can...but decide I just can't continue. When it HURTS to try, it's not worth it.

Make my way back to the locker room, and low and behold there's the locker stealer. Herself...I maneuver around her, and trust me she knew I was ANNOYED...at this time it was not only because she was in MY locker, but had the entire bench filled with her crap...strewn all over it. There was no need for that, she could have tidied it up, and at least given me a corner to place my shower bag on it. Nope...she just watched me huff and puff around here slamming everything around here. If I could have one gift in life, I wish I could be less obvious with my annoyance of others. I try to just “go with the flow”. But for me, that is nearly impossible.

I make my way to the shower, rinse off the gym sweat , and put on my swim suit. I follow the rules. I wish everyone did. Open the steam room door...and there's another pet peeve...sweaty nasty woman in FULL gym attire AND SHOES....I scream UGH in disgust, and shut the door without entering. I wait in the Sauna til the nasty disgusting lady leaves. My issue is this...the door states....SWIM ATTIRE REQUIRED, NO SHOES and because so many DON'T listen to rules...they posted NO SHOES twice. On the side of the room is rules posted as well...SHOWER FIRST...being the number one rule. The fact that people use this PUBLIC COMMUNITY area and treat it like it’s their home and does whatever they want makes me sick. I get annoyed greatly when I follow rules. And others don't. I'm sure there is a mental diagnosis for some disorder that would be in line with...but all I know is it infuriates me to a point that I could scream!

Here’s my take on the shower first and NO SHOES….it’s a STEAM ROOM.. we are in there steaming everything up, breathing in vapor for a cleansing benefit…and if YOU are sweaty and in your gym clothes..I’m breathing in your filth. If you are in your gym shoes you add to that mess with the dog pee and crap you have walked through out on the streets…turning it all into this steam I am now inhaling. It’s gross, and I take issue with it. Because it’s a POSTED rule…makes it even harder for me to tolerate, because again…I follow the rules. Why can’t they?

I finally steam, then shower. Walk back to my "loaner" locker, and that woman is STILL there...taking up the whole bench, I make my usual HMMPH sound, audible enough to where she hears it, I no longer am "nice" about the whole thing moving around her, and decided to shove her crap just enough to where I can now have the corner...she says..oh I'm sorry, I'm taking up so much room. REALLY....wow...well, how about when you say that you start pulling your stuff to a pile and SHARE the dang bench... but she doesn't and I say , well I'd be lying if I said I didn't expect you to be gone by the time I got out of the steam and shower room....

I finish my routine, she finally takes her and her bathroom sink of items with her, I have the bench to myself as I close up the locker and look sadly at 25....telling myself the early gym time, just isn't worth it...I'll see you tomorrow my dear 25.

Get to my truck, place my phone on the tool box in the back as I load everything into the backseat....start to drive away....hit the first speed bump..and I hear it.....OH NO...look in the side mirror...and there is my phone...ON THE GROUND. The battery, the back, and the screen all separated....

The screen is not broken.....thanking God in my head and aloud...I seriously couldn't break another phone right now...

The drive home is a close resemblance to the drive there....now I just want to be home and do NOTHING.

Home. .. is my solace from the big bad world. The one place I can control my surroundings, and avoid unnecessary run ins with stupid people. Until of course they wake up or come home. ..lol. because even my blood. ..my prides and joys jump on my nerves as if it were a sport for them. ..lol. ..mom, having a meltdown over who ate the last banana . ..is entertaining to them. Lol.

This is all before 1 pm.

I am exhausted already and ready for bed

A normal day...that is not so normal...but it is my normal.

Change is hard for me, I like consistency in everything I do, knowing what to expect is how I manage through my day. If I have a Dr. Appointment, and there is a new lady at the desk checking me in, it’s a melt down. Where is "Cindy" the one I have developed a relationship with and makes me smile when I see her…why? There is an actual physical reaction that takes place inside of me when there is a hiccup in my “normal” routine. Why must everything be without change or even minor adjustments in my life, for me to manage without anxiety and anger? I don’t like being this way, I really don’t. I just have yet to conquer that problem. Don’t change it up on me…and all should be fine. Stay out of locker 25..and we can coexist at the gym and never even know the other is there.


I have a dream….that dream is to have a day where I don’t find myself wondering why…and instead enjoy life completely and fully just as it comes...with instant change and derailed  expectations and all...that would be nice.